Space Exploration Funding Crisis Solved

November 15, 2009 on 7:21 pm | In Miscellaneous, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

I was pleased to read on Friday about the discovery of water on the moon, but not for the lame-o, unimaginative reasons given by various scientists and reporters. Before we get to the point, let’s just mention a few of these reasons so you can read how dull they are.

Michael Wargo, a chief lunar scientist at NASA headquarters in Washington said, “Water and other compounds represent potential resources that could sustain future lunar exploration.” And an article by the New York Times stated, “Lunar ice, if bountiful, not only gives future settlers something to drink, but could also be broken apart into oxygen and hydrogen. Both are valuable as rocket fuel, and the oxygen would also give astronauts air to breathe.”

Give “future settlers” a drink? People… you are missing the point. That’s our water, and it belongs in terrestrial supermarkets.  We should be shipping that Moon water straight back to Earth, putting it in expensive-looking theme-y bottles, and selling it at inflated prices at Whole Foods.  The profits from this commerce can be plowed back into more space exploration, ultimately leading to the discovery of other water-bearing celestial bodies.

In fact, I already have a brand name picked out for this bottled water: Lunessence.  And I don’t need a marketing expert to tell me how to sell it, I already have Fiji Water to serve as a tutorial.  Here’s our ad copy:

We all make assumptions.  For instance, we assume that bottled water is “better” than water straight out of the tap.  But is it?

The reality is a bit more complicated.  Some bottled waters come right out of municipal reservoirs before they are “purified.”  And, even “spring” water is affected by the earth’s many pollutants as it bubbles to the surface.  It’s better not to get your water from anywhere even near the freakin’ earth.

Then there’s Lunessence… uncontaminated and uncompromised.  Preserved and protected by its source and location, Lunessence‘s aquifer is in a virgin ecosystem — well, not exactly an ecosystem, more like a sterile deep-space environment — at the edge of a lunar crater, hundreds of thousands of miles away from the nearest industrialized civilization.  Winds that carry acid rain and pollutants all over Earth just aren’t a factor here.

So if you ever wondered what really pure water tastes like, just open a bottle of Lunessence.  And remember this — we saved you a trip to the moon.

Got a Lunessence logo? Post a link to it here!



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  1. I’d like a martini made over Lunar ice, shaken not stirred.

    I’m sold.

    Comment by Marc Hughes — November 16, 2009 #

  2. amen! get out of my moon water, government.

    Comment by todd anderson — November 16, 2009 #

  3. LOL … count me in. Great idea.
    Martini or nice glass of Islay Malt Whisky with a dash of Lunessence, now that’s worth going to the moon for. :)

    Comment by Ali — November 23, 2009 #

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